Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
