I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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