Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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