I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
