Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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