Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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