You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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