So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am one with the molecules
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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