He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
