I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize