I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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