Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
