Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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