I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize