Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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