What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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