this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
