We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
