He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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