Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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