I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
