I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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