Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
