there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
