do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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