I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
