So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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