Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
