Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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