There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
