I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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