Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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