shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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