apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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