i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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