New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
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Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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