what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Even my vagina gasped.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
