Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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