One girl and one boy is just not enough.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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