By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
