that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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