i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
