And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
