At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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