I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
