At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
