I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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