dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize