I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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