"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
