careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You are a genius and a whore.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
