My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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