I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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