And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
