im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
