I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
