you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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