finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
