I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
