can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
