The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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